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While we have a lot of time for Mayor Boris Johnson, we have to say that he's behaved like a total W*nker this time. No doubt everyone's heard the tale of Borisman, the Caped Avenger who swooped to the rescue on his trusty Borisbike when he heard a damsel in distress, shouting his war cry, "What do you think you're doing, you oiks?!" The woman had been approached by three 11-year-old girls, one of them carrying an iron bar, who in her own words "were mumbling vague threats". When the woman told them the burly man approaching down the street was the Mayor of London, they ran away. Well, wouldn't you? Boris then insisted on walking her home, presumably wrapped comfortingly in his flowing scarlet cape and trying her best not to notice that he had his underpants outside his trousers. All well and good, you might think - and no doubt Boris did. The forces of evil have been vanquished and put to flight, innocence has been protected and the streets of London can once more sleep peacefully. Unfortunately, Boris acted on impulse which is a particularly unfortunate trait in a politician. He of all people should have known the value of a short pause for thought, a rapid enquiry into the facts and an identification of the parties involved. Sadly, he did not. He just rushed in, shouting and waving his arms about, and rescued entirely the wrong person. You see, what he did not discover until it was too late was that the damsel in distress was none other than film-maker, hysterical polemicist, propagandist and liar Franny Armstrong. Who she, I hear you ask? She the woman who recently made a film called The Age of Stupid, described by Brendan O'Neill as "one of the worst films I have ever seen". The film pictures the world in 2055, a world that has been devastated by global warming. Someone called The Archivist (played by Pete Postlethwaite. He needed the work, presumably) is guarding a huge tower in the middle of the sea north of Norway which contains every book, work of art and scientific report ever created by humans. It’s the only safe place for them, since Australia is burning and Europe has been submerged by flood waters. The film crowbars in the war in Iraq (started by oil), China (developing too fast), consumerism (worse than fascism) and Africa (killed by climate change). And the message is always the same: people’s greed is causing death and destruction and possible extinction. The solution, it suggests, is a vast system of official control of our personal habits and freedom of movement, and an ‘equality’ based on sharing out the misery. Not the kind of film you'd like your kids to watch, really. And not the kind of film-maker Boris ought to be rescuing from the righteous wrath of children who resent being fed a diet of self-righteous disapproval of virtually everything their parents and grandparents were, did and held dear. Next time, Boris, don't be such a hot-headed w*nker. Stop, put one foot on the ground, and ask yourself "Is this someone who deserves to be rescued from children vaguely mumbling, or someone who might be much better off with an iron bar wrapped round her kneecaps?" The GOS says: The Age of Stupid was released on DVD last week. Don't buy it. either on this site or on the World Wide Web. Copyright © 2009 The GOS |
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